Discipline. Week 2.

I have been trying to create some discipline in my life. I know I need to go slowly, otherwise it won't work. I have some real problems sticking to my own discipline rules, but I'll try to convince myself, after all, if college and work are not making me feel more disciplined, I have to do it myself.

The two exams I mentioned on my last posts are gone, and I think I might even have gone well.

Now I need to focus on the one I hope will be my last exam this term. I don't think this one will be so difficult, so I'm not particularly worried about it. I just need to study a little.

And then, I will be left with all the craft and creating things I want to do. I admit I have a super hard time commiting to anything crafty, no matter how much I like it. I'm taking an online photography and Scrapbooking class, and I kinda stole my mother's old film camera yesterday, so I'm thinking maybe I'll be able to finish this. Who knows??

That's my project for this month.

Discipline.

I'm trying to achieve a few goals around here. I basically have 3 things to do over the next seven days:

I have an exam at college on thursday, so I have to read about 400 pages 'till then.

I have an italian exam on saturday, so I need to figure out how to write an essay in italian (which I haven't done a single time...)

And, since my wardrobe was again reaching a critic level, all my clothes have been living on my bed for the last week. I'm trying to figure out which ones I want to keep and which ones to donate. Meanwhile, I try to put them back in the wardrobe as nicely as I possibly can.


By the way, tonight was fun. Talking to some nice people at a nice party. Me likes that!

1001 movies to see before you die.

Last year, on my birthday I went with my mother and sister to the Fnac store on Barra Shopping. Since I had, as usual, no idea as to what she could give me as a birthday present, I chose a book I had been meaning to get for a while: 1001 Filmes Para Ver Antes de Morrer.




Obviously, due to my complete lack of capacity to reach a goal, I haven't really sat to watch the movies, but since i had already watched a bunch of them by the time I bought it, and I never really stopped watching movies, eventually I end up getting to watch some of them.
So, today I was reading "Age of Extremes" and I got to a chapter Hobsbawn dedicates to the arts from 1914 to 1945. And he obviously mentions a few of the movies I meant to watch from the 1001 list. So, I picked up the book from the shelf and realized I never checked the boxes for the movies I've already watched. (I'm thinking of putting a new goal on my long list. I'd like to have all these movies I've really liked to watch on DVD. Not only downloaded from the internet, but the real thing, you know?)

Well, let's get to work!!
(I'm going from the newest movies to the old ones, ok?? I think it's a bit easier this way)

#1:
Atonement (2007).



I really liked this movie, but on the very moment the credits started rolling I knew it would take a looong time for me to watch it again. The movie really is great, the story is perfectly led, the acting is wonderful, but the meaning of the final twist in the plot is completely overwhelming. I felt like there were a million pounds of weight over me when I finished it. But I would still highly recommend it to anyone.

Saturday afternoon...

I've spent most of my afternoon looking for nice things online. I've found a bunch of ansolutely amazing blogs in english, italian and portuguese, I've found wonderful shoes online, and realized that even though I'm not gonna be able to fufill every single shopping wish I have, I deserve a little bit of spoiling every now and then. I definitely do.

So... before I post here all the gorgeous things I found today, I'm assembling a couple of wishlists.

One of them is a list of books, cds and dvs I really love but never got the courage to pay for.

The other consists of beautiful clothes and shoes i'd absolutely love to wear and, again, was never brave enough to buy.

Yeah, I think I'm doing it this time...

New old connections.

The day before yesterday I made contact with someone I hadn’t really seen or talked to in 4 years. I found Leticia on André’s profile on facebook and decided to give it a try. I added her as a friend and sent her a message. I just felt like it has been way too long and there’s no good reason for it anymore. We talked a little and the result is that we both agree we could try again and meet sometime. If I could choose, we would do something tomorrow, but as usual she’s too busy for that. I told her as soon as she has some free time we can do something.
It’s weird to talk to her again. We’ve spent so much time not talking that I don’t really know what to do. Or say. I just missed her. There was no other person I could talk so freely. Ever. All the other girls are just… girls. They are just the same. They care about things I don’t, They talk about things I don’t really wanna hear, they want me to say stuff I don’t necessarily think. I kinda hate it. I miss being able to really give my own opinion. I don’t know many people who allow me to do it. Most of the people I know just tell me how “boring”/”silly”/”whatever” the things I like are. I don’t like it when I have to think before I say what I think. Especially when the thinking involves “who am I talking to????”. Aff. I need some new people around me. Or some old people who can show some respect.

Well, that's it for today. And also I've been getting more and more certain about the fact that I have waaaay more energy than I'm able to spend. And it really gets in my nerves by the end of the day.
Need to do something about it!

Fashion blogs.

Sometimes (if not most of the times...) I feel really sorry about living in brazil. There are many reasons why I feel this, but lately the main one has been the shopping.

I recently figured out why people wear so many cool stuff in other countries. I realized that the most important and cool brands don't necessarily cost an arm and a leg out of Brazil. And I envy that. Especially when I bump into such cool blogs, like LeBlogDeBetty (www.leblogdebetty.com).
Betty is a french girl and she has the most beautiful pictures of herself wearing cool clothes in her everyday life. I love her clothes. Especially her boots. They are all so beautiful... Sigh...

Oh,well, I'll keep looking for beautiful things to cheer up my weekend.

Limits.

As a kid, I used to be soooo shy. Some of it hasn't changed much over the years but I've learned a lot about not caring about what other people think.
But the problem is that I can't learn how to deal with my own thoughts and assumptions. It's easy to ignore what people think. You just have to hold your head high and not hear what they say. But when you're limited by your own mind, things get much harder. I've been really sad in the last few days, and for some reason I haven't been able to change it. To make myself feel better. Do you have any idea how hard it is??

Today I had to go out so I tried to go to a few stores in the hope of finding some cool clothes (I want to buy some new ones so I can feel less guilty about giving away the old ones) but I couldn't get a single piece!! I either didn't like them or didn't have the courage to go inside the store, try them on and everything. What's going on?? I've always had some trouble buying things, but now it's getting way out of control...
And I hate it.

I'm trying to find things I like and to convince myself that I deserve them. Maybe I should work a little harder on some aspects, but I know I deserve it!!!

Well, I'm getting there. Somehow I will.



PS: I hate my internet connection... It keeps coming and going. Urgh!

Pensieri.

Io penso che sarebbe meglio essere sempre una piccola bambina che vivere senza il mio nonno. Forse le cose che io scrivo in italiano non fanno senzo, ma questo è solo lo che pensa una giovani che voglia stare con il suo nonno, che voglia vederlo, che voglia parlare con lui una volta piu.

Cheering up.

Sorry about my last post. But I just think this is supposed to be my blog, where I can write whatever I want, whether people would like to read it or not. I don't have many readers anyway, so I usually don't worry much about it.

But I'm trying to cheer myself up, even though things have been even worse today. I have to focus on pretty, wonderful things when stuff like that happens. We all know shit happens and we have to learn to deal with it. I'm dealing with it by focusing on pretty things.

As I have said before, I'm addicted to craft blogs. And they have some of the most beautiful images ever. Oh, and so does weheartit.

So these last few days I've been drowned by beauty. And I love it.

I thought I'd share a few of the pictures I've been seen. I'm sorry I can't remember where I found them, but most of them were found via weheartit.com (I totally love it!)

All the pictures are somehow related to light or sparkles. They are both beautiful...









(I'm a huge London fan. I fell in love with England some time ago. Like, seriously in love.)









(Yep, Paris is a passion too. But who doesn't dream about Paris??)





(I'm hugely into nail polish lately. Don't know why, but it may be because of all the cute colors...)



xo.

I'm tired. Not fisically tired, but I really need a break. I know I had a vacation, like, until 2 weeks ago, but going on such a stressful trip is not a break. I just want to go somewhere nice, have nice people around me, and, I don't know... maybe make some new friends. Not that I don't love my friends, but sometimes I get a little tired of their lack of interest in each other's lives. I miss the time when I had five different people to talk to when I was confused, and even though nothing I said made sense at least one of them would get whatever I meant.

Growing up in my house was pretty hard, but sometimes I think it's worse now, 'cause now I not only feel bad, but most times I know why it happens, but I still don't think any of them will get it. This is actually making me quite crazy, 'cause I don't understand how anyone can feel better outside their own house, and not stand being with their family. Well, maybe I don't understand, but it happens to me quite a lot.

I have to admit I think the reason for my craziness about getting my room to be the way I dream is caused by this. I want my room to be my hiding place, whatever happens. I painted one of the walls bright yellow, I bought an Audrey Hepburn poster in Orlando, a Belle poster, my own laptop and I'm going around this tiny place trying to organize things so that one day it will be really the place I always wanted my bedroom to be.

This is my project. It is kind of a constant thing, but someday I'll turn this into the place I want...



(It was much more messy when I took this picture, but it was painting day...)

Sun effects.

I feel like that little cow from Milka bars. I have different colors today. A big part of me is brown, I have a bunch of red spots and a little white, in some of the non-affected areas.
Let me explain: I went with boyfriend and some of his friends to the beach last sunday, and for some i reason I really tought I didn't need any sunscreen. Who did I think I was?? Urgh... bad bad girl, no donut for you... So, my back, shoulders and even a bit of my belly were totally red by the end of the day. I was feeling pretty much like a little tomato... And now, I'm a cow. I'll just hope I can get back to my natural color as soon as possible. Even though that is something like "indoor white".

Changing a little the subject, I plan on finishing a little embroidery project I have by tomorrow. I saw this on a totally cute blog and now I have absolutely no idea what to do with it...
Now I have to really start studying, because last week I found out the exam I was waiting for will be in a week and a half, and that's not much... I'm getting a little freaked out, but I still believe everything is gonna be fine and I'll have a new internship in no time!

Ash wednesday.

I feel like a really happy child. Ever since we got home from our trip to orlando, two weeks ago, I had been planning on buying a cup of Nutella and eating it with Pringles. Yeah, it sounds kinda weird, but I assure you it tastes wonderful... I tried it when we were in Orlando, and loved it!! Well, today I bought Nutella. Maybe tomorrow I'll get some Pringles when I go to work (btw, working during carnival sucks...). Yey! A taste of perfection!

Anyway, I'm really enjoying this night at home watching, Glee, "Yours, mine and ours" and maybe doing a little embroidery later...

PS: I really need to get some exercise. I literally spent the last 5 or 6 days hanging around on the couch, watching tv and eating.

Confession:

Ok, I admit: I have a problem. Maybe an addiction.
I love craft. But I mean love, really love. Even as a child I would love any sort of craft I saw on tv, or on fairs... Maybe it's all grandma's fault, since she was the one who really raised me and she was not only a really good seamstress, but also knows how to knit, crochet and quite a few other things.
But anyway, now I am getting kinda obssessed with craft blogs. So pretty much every time I turn on my computer I "HAVE TO" check everything new every single blogger I like has posted.
But tell me, is it possible not to like any of these??

abeautifulmess.typepad.com/
kwernerdesign.com/blog/
onepearlbutton.com/
www.apartmenttherapy.com/
designismine.blogspot.com/
designspongeonline.com/
redvelvetgirls.typepad.com/emma/
http://heatherbailey.typepad.com/heather_bailey/
http://howaboutorange.blogspot.com/
http://hulaseventy.blogspot.com/
http://blog.lilacandivy.com/
http://little-doodles.blogspot.com/
http://littleoldhat.blogspot.com/
http://notebookdoodles.blogspot.com/
http://www.katherinejalaty.com/
http://www.createloves.blogspot.com/

Oh, well, I guess I'm gonna have to learn to live with it... Maybe it' not that bad, huh?

PS: boyfriend just graduated from college last thursday. Now he is officially a masters student. Pretty scary if you ask me, but I'm soooo happy for him...

Countdown.

This time tomorrow I will be at the airport waiting to board a plane to Miami.

Yey!!!

One a.m.

It's 1 am and I'm totally thrilled watching a silly movie I've been meaning to watch for a long time.

Four years ago I went to England for my winter holidays (which in Brazil happen in July) to study english in a real british school. The building is a real school during the school year and during their holidays the place is rented and they have summer courses for teenage students for all around the world. I pretty much fell in love with the place. It is really old, big, like the traditional british country manor. I loved the rooms, beautiful stairs, the whole place was absolutely wonderful. It breathed of history, beauty and magnificence. I miss the place really much, and a while ago I found out there was a movie, called "Wildchild", that took place in that same building. The movie is quite girly and so teenagelike, but I really enjoyed it. I'm still watching, but I feel so good to see the whole place again...

Do you think Cobham Hall would accept a possible college drop out??
'Cause I really think a boarding school must rock!!


By the way, I really feel like reading "Alice in Wonderland" and "The Lord of the Rings". In English. Gosh, I think I'm really excited about this whole New Year energy. Could anyone imagine that??

Happy new year!

Hope this will be a nice year, with lots of accomplishments e realizations.



I already have a little list of things I want to do this year, and hopefully I will be able to complete at least a few of them...

The Lord of the RIngs

First of all, I have to say I'm REALLY looking forwrad to buying my own laptop, because this whole "sharing the computer" thing doesn't really work for me. Especially since the computer is in the living room and everything I want to do I'll do in my bedroom.

Well, back to the title of the post, boyfriend and I spent the whole day (and I really mean the whole day, 'cause we started, like, at 10:30 am and it finished at 11:30 pm) watching the extended edition of the Lord of the Rings. I loved it! Although I think Frodo and Sam are the dullest criatures ever created.
To be honest, the movies could be just about Aragorn and maybe Gandalf. I love the battles and the entire first movie. But I just can't stand Frodo, Sam and Gollum. Aff. They just keep going in circles and get nowhere. What's the point in watching it?
But I have to admit I like Merry, Pippin, Arwen... Well, let's just say it's enough to make me stand all that F&S boredom









Isn't it beautiful???

Paint!!

I never thought I'd like a day-long session of painting that much. We bought the paint yesterday, so in order to keep the pace, I wanted to paint it a.s.a.p. So... I spent the whole afternoon doing it, and I think it's pretty much finished. There are still a couple of dark spots where the wall was stained already.
I'm SO HAPPY!!! It's bright yellow, and I already love it! Boyfriend said I'm going to get tired of it, but I really don't care. When I get sick of the whole thing, I'll just find another nice color to put on my wall. This one is called Splendid Sun, and every time mother and sister go near my bedroom they say it looks like the light is on. LOVE IT!!

(A picture will come later, I haven't had the time to take one yet.)

Banner.

This is my new (and first!!) blog banner. It's just temporary, but I like it anyway. When I get my desk organized and a good camera, I'll make a new one, and I'll show you what my "new" room actually looks like. (yey!!)

Night snack.

Me, Mother, Sister and Cousins went out for a snack tonight. We went to Yogoberry, a store that sells the most fantastic frozen yogurt. I love it! It's just frozen yogurt with toppings, but I think it's one of the most delicious things on earth. I love the bitterness of natural yogurt.

We went there after mother and I came back from the store where we bought paint to get my room painted.
We are going to do it tomorrow!! I love redecorating!! Especially considering I already got one new decoration item today. Oh, how I looked forward to this moment!! (I know it seems rellay silly, but it's true. My room has never been really mine, so I think now it's the first time I feel like it is...)
I'm just SO happy!!!

Christmas gifts.

OK, I'm not usually the type of person who gets totally excited about christmas time. But I have to say I got really nice gifts this year...

#1: From dad.
My dad gave me some of the most weird stuff I ever got, but this christmas he got me a really good one. He gave me a Swiss Card. It's so nice!





Actually I had told him about this a few weeks before christmas. A friend of a friend showed me hers and I was very excited about it. My dad has a big one pretty much like this:


And I was always fascinated by the amount of cool stuff he would be able to do with it. So I'm pretty excited about my smaller version of it.

#2: From Boyfriend.

There's this great blog written by a friend of his that draws the coolest comics about god, Adam, Eve and a bunch of other characters:

The blog is now so popular he decided to make different products from the characters. The first one is God.



It's all sold out, but i suppose there are a few advantages in knowing the author... I was kinda planning to buy one next year, but Boyfrined gave it to me today!! (Yep, we actually had to wait until today to exchange gifts, cause I spent Christmas at dad's.)

#3: From Stepfather.

Actually I chose this gift myself, but I suppose it still counts... He gave me "The Age of Extremes: The Short Twentieth Century, 1914-1991", by Eric Hobsbawn.



I have been wanting to read this for a long time, but I never got the courage to spend the money... (I usually don't like to spend money unless I am sure about what I'm going to spend it on) I tried borrowing it from the college library once, but it just didn't work for me. Some books I need to have for myself...

#4: From Mother.

This one was also chosen beforehand and I had also been meaning to buy it for a while.
There's a store in Brasil that sells the funniest stuff. It sells all kinds of fun, modern, cool stuff, and it sells decoration items, clothes, accessories, almost anything. I love their stuff, and had been meaning to get one of their picture frames for a long time. So today we had this hanging on the wall:

I still haven't filled all the pockets yet, but I'll take care of it and then I'll post a picture of the whole thing when it's ready. I'm so excited about it! It'll look gorgeous hanging beside my bed!!

(It's actually quite an achievement to have it already on the wall, considering things usually lay around for months before being set in their proper places in this house. I so look forward to having my own place. Sometimes...)

#5 and 6: From Sister and Grandma.

I don't really have pictures of their gifts, but sister gave me a really cute white skirt (which I will obviously wear for New Year's, I suppose) and grandma gave a great b&w polka dot bikini (which I obviously loved. B&W AND polka dots?? gotta love it!!)

Nostalgia.

relendo meus depoimentos agora no orkut me deu uma nostalgia... sei lá, me deu um pouco de saudade de tudo, sabe... descobri que mesmo que meu orkut só tenha surgido no fim do segundo ano, ele cobre uma parte muito maior da minha vida, porque as pessoas que viveram todos os pedacinhos da minha vida comigo passaram por lá... steph, nat, isa, letícia (que infelizmente escolheu sumir), sergio... e é claro, a pessoa que provavelmente melhor simboliza o hoje, pedro. talvez seja besteira minha, mas me deu uma saudade dessas pessoas, do que eu vivi com cada uma delas. na verdade, acho que eu também sinto falta de cada um, especialmente das meninas que eu quase nunca vejo. sei lá, talvez seja muita sessão nostalgia por hoje...


"Depois de algum tempo você aprende a diferença, a sutil diferença entre dar a mão e acorrentar a alma.
E você aprende que amar não significa apoiar-se e que companhia nem sempre significa segurança.
E começa a aprender que beijos não são contratos e presentes não são promessas.
E começa a aceitar suas derrotas com a cabeça erguida e olhos adiante, com a graça de um adulto e não com a tristeza de uma criança.
E aprende a construir todas as suas estradas no hoje, porque o terreno do amanhã é incerto demais para os planos e o futuro tem o costume de caírem meio ao vão.
Depois de algum tempo você aprende que o sol queima se ficar exposto por muito tempo.
E aprende que não importa o quanto você se importa, alguns simplesmente não se importam.
E aceita que não importa quão boa seja uma pessoa,ela vai feri-la de vez em quando e você precisa perdoa-la por isso.
Aprende que falar pode aliviar ou magoar.
Descobre que se levam anos para construir confiança e apenas segundos para destruí-la.
E que você pode fazer coisas em um instante,das quais se arrependerá pelo resto da vida.
Aprende que verdadeiras amizades continuam a crescer mesmo a longas distâncias.
E o que importa não é o que você tem na vida, mas quem você tem na vida.
E que os bons amigos são a família que nos permitiram escolher.
Aprende que não temos que mudar os amores se compreendemos que os amores mudam.
Descobre que as pessoas com que você mais se importa na vida são tomadas de você muito depressa, por isso, sempre devemos deixar as pessoas que amamos com palavras amorosas, pode ser a última vez que as vejamos.
Aprende que as circunstâncias e os ambientes têm influências sobre nós, mas somos responsáveis por nós mesmos.
Começa a aprender que não se deve comparar com os outros, mas com o melhor que podemos ser.
Descobre que se leva muito tempo para se tornar a pessoa que quer ser e que o tempo é muito curto.
Aprende que não importa aonde já chegou, mas onde está indo. Mas quando não se sabe para onde vai, qualquer lugar serve.
Aprende que ou você controla seus atos ou eles o controlarão, e que ser flexível não significa ser fraco ou não ter personalidade, pois não importa o quão frágil seja uma situação, sempre existem dois lados.
Aprende que heróis são pessoas que fizeram o que era necessário fazer, enfrentando as conseqüências.
Aprende que a paciência requer muita prática.
Descobre que às vezes, a pessoa que você espera que o chute quando você cai, é uma das poucas que a ajudam a levantar-se.
Aprende que a maturidade tem mais haver com os tipos de experiências que se teve e o que aprendeu com elas,do que quantos aniversários você celebrou.
Aprende que há mais de seus pais em você do que você supunha.
Aprende que nunca se deve dizer a uma criança que os sonhos são bobagens,poucas coisas são tão humilhantes e seria uma tragédia se ela acreditasse nisso.
Aprende que quando está com raiva tem o direito de estar com raiva, mas isso não lhe dá o direito de ser cruel.
Descobre que só porque alguém não a ama do jeito que você quer,não significa que esse alguém não o ama com tudo o que pode, pois existem pessoas que nos amam,mas simplesmente não sabem como demonstrar ou viver isso.
Aprende que nem sempre é suficiente ser perdoado por alguém, algumas vezes você tem que aprender a perdoar-se.
Aprende que com a mesma severidade com que julga, você será em algum momento condenado.
Aprende que não importa em quantos pedaços seu coração foi partido, o mundo não pára para que você o conserte.
Aprende que o tempo não é algo que possa voltar pra trás.
Portanto, plante seu jardim e decore sua alma, ao invés de esperar que alguém lhe traga flores.
E você aprende que realmente pode suportar...Que realmente é forte e que pode ir muito mais longe depois de pensar que não se pode mais !"

Bon Jovi

"Maybe we're all different, but we're still the same. We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins..."

AAAAAAfffffffff

ODEIO sábado à noite!!!!!!

(Many, many) Quotes.

"Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things."

"Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about CREATING yourself."

"Live it up, Drink it down, Laugh it off!"

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

"Smile, it's the least you can do!"

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always."

""No boy is worth crying over, and the one who is won't make you cry.""

""Divas are not made, they are born.""

"Angels exist, only sometimes they haven’t got wings and we call them friends"

Beauty is looking into someone's eyes and seeing their heart.

"Never regret the moments that make you smile."

"Pink isn't just a color, it's an attitude"

She has the Spirit of the sun, The Moods of the moon, The Will of the wind.

"A wise man travels to discover himself."

Half the fun of travel is the aesthetic of lostness.

"When a man is tired of London a man is tired of life."

"Never frown. You never know who may be falling in love with your smile."

"Here's to the nights that turn into mornings and the friends that turn into family."

School's out, Memories past, Don't ever doubt, Our friendship will last.